giddy up

Well, I knew I would slack off on the blogging and alas, it's been forever since my last entry. This isn't going to be a spectularly long entry. In fact, I'm really just making an entry remind myself I need to make a REAL entry and soon. Been busy. Wicked busy.

Be back soon, kidlets!

*nibbles & licks*

ME

Open Marriage: Taboo or Fabu?

WARNING: TO THOSE WHO ARE CONSERVATIVE IN THEIR BELIEFS OR CHRISTIAN, OR SIMPLY CLOSE-MINDED I WARN YOU THAT THE CONENT OF THIS BLOG IS SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC AND THE TOPIC IS LIKELY TO BE OFFENSIVE TO YOU. DO NOT READ. IF YOU DO, THEN YOU'VE NO RIGHT TO GIVE ME AN OUNCE OF SHIT OR JUDGE ME, BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Ya know, I wish I had something specific to blog about. Like, some blog about fashion, some about food, some about news, some about music...me? I blog about...well, about ME. That's what I know best. Me. Hence the title "Insanely Amy". I guess I just feel the need to blog now because I created it and until I come up with something meaningful you'll just have to deal with my nonsensical shit. Sorry. OK, no I'm not. :)

I would throw out questions and try to spur heated discussions if only I had more readers....maybe y'all need to send my blog to your friends. Then we can all just give each other scads of shit over our opinions and rant until we're blue in the face, eh?

There is one subject I'd like to get people's opinions on, but it's not something I'd put out say, on Facebook. Not with my husbands super christian and therefore, conservative, relatives lurking around out there. Not that I don't love em - I do, for sure, but my way of thinking is faarrrrr different than theirs.

Ok...so here it is. Open Marriage. Years ago if you asked me what I thought of this topic, well, first of all I wouldn't know what the hell you were talking about. Then once it was explained to me I would have said "Oh! No way! You like, totally have to be totally monogomous, like, to your spouse.!" Why would I have answered that way? Because that's what I was raised to believe. You were supposed to fall in love, get married and be with that one person for the rest of your life. No sex with anyone else, just that one person, until the day you kicked it. Or they left you. Hrm. OK. And there are those that DO live out their lives being completely and utterly faithful to that one person. Not that those in open marriages are being unfaithful - if they've both agreed to it then it's not being unfaithful now is it? OK but before I meander off into that side of the topic let me finish up here first. (and yes, I'm going to play both sides of the fence...heh heh...something I wish I'd done before - eh never mind)
OK so I see the appeal of having a completely monogomous marriage. Never have to wonder who your partner is with, what they're doing, whether they'll fall for that other person, if the other person is better in bed than you are, what they have that you don't, and so on, etc. But all of that comes as part of the jealousy - something you simply cannot have in an open marriage. It's a security thing. That, and how you're raised. Let's face it, we have things like this pounded into our heads because in our society, that's how it is. It's ingrained and you and the concept of anything else is completely alien to many of us. Then you have the bible thumpers who will tell you it's how God decreed it to be. Well....that's how MAN decreed it to be, really, but it matters not where it originated, it's how it is. I gotta wonder how this whole monogamy thing really started. Maybe it's because people found life to be a bit stressful with multiple partners. Shit, how do polygamists do it? It's got to be fucking exhausting!!! I am in a monogomous marriage and it's wonderful. But my attitude has changed greatly over the last 10 years or so, and while I treasure and respect my spouse and his needs and his ideas, I must confess......I totally see the appeal of an open marriage. So yes, now it is time for me to jump the fence and argue from the other side.

Are we really designed to be monogomous? One mate for the rest of our days here on earth? The same dick, or the same vagina, the same boobs, the same ass forever? Well, sure, why not? If you love those tits, that vag and that wingy-wang, then why should the prospect of having it and ONLY it til death do you part be so scary? I suppose it shouldn't. However, I think most of us will admit, whether it be to only ourselves or to others, that we have found ourselves at one time or another, no matter how happy we are in our relationships, attracted to another human being. We find ourselves wondering what it would be like to be with that person. That's not so unusual and there certainly isn't anything wrong with it. It's how we're wired, kids! Some of us stop at simply fantasizing about it. Others want to do it, but are afraid. Some go for it, get caught and their relationship falls apart. Then there are those that find a partner who shares their desire for a more open, and shall we say, varied sexual experience. Come on, think of the adventures! I'm not saying go out and fuck every dick or vag that walks your way - you have to be somewhat discriminating - but think of the freedom, the fun! You can take those experiences and bring them home to your partner and depending on your arrangement (some may not want to know what goes on when their partner is with someone else) you can share it with them, use it to fuel the fire between you and have your own adventures together! You have the freedom to connect physically with others, but you have that one devoted partner who you have physically, spiritually and emotionally.

However, this is a lifestyle or practice which is NOT for everyone. Some simply can't trust themselves or others enough to be able to handle this. Some I'm sure would think it a disgusting and utterly immoral way of life. It's a touchy subject, for sure, but one that I think can spark some interesting discussion.

Now, mind you, I'm not advocating one way or another - just an interesting topic and I wanted to explore both sides of it. If you've got an opinion, and wanna share, by all means. Hit me with it!

For now, I'm going to watch a little NCIS and "play both sides"...(meaning I'm going to sit here and drool equally over Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David - for those who are unfamiliar w/ the show, he is a smart-assed NCIS special agent, she is a Moussad officer who can kill you in 2 seconds, unarmed w/ one hand tied behind her back....sexy little accent, too).

Ciao!

I have not forgotten....

I have not forgotten about my blog, I swear by all that is sacred and holy!!! Meaning: my shoes, my Coach bag and my unrelenting lust for that Scottish hunk of sex-on-a-stick, Gerard Butler, that I have NOT forgotten about my blog!!!! I've just been a busy lil bee for a while and had to put it on the back burner.

Truly I haven't a thing to talk about right now...I'll try though. Ummm, let's see...um, well....how about the economy? Still sucks, I'm guessing, though things here in good Virginia are just as fine as frog hair! Seems we're the state least effected by the sagging economy thanks to tourism, the military and my employer, the Newport News Shipyard (owned by Northrop Grumman, of course). Come on down, folks! We got heat and humidity but we also have central air conditioning that'll freeze your nads off and form icicles on your nosehairs, weeeehoooo! We also have the occassional hurricane, but pffft! What's a little wind and rain, eh? No bigs. Better than being buried under three feet of that vile shit called "snow" and then having insult added to injury, a couple inches of ICE to frost that shit-cake. Ugh. I'm so glad I'm not in Massachusetts. I am a Masshole, through and through, but that snow shit is not happenin'. No way, Huh-uh.
Go Sox, Pats rule, "pahk the cah" and all that, but I am not moving back. Ever. I'll do my yankee bit down here and drive all the locals bananas. I'll be THAT "damn yankee". Shove your Union Jack confederate flag up your redneck ass, I'm a liberal northerner who just HAPPENS to live here in the semi-south. Uh yeah kids, we're not IN the south. Technically this is the mid-Atlantic region, so I don't know where all this "southern pride" comes from, but it's a bit misplaced. Not completely, however. We've got peeps from all the country here, thanks to the armed forces (mostly Navy). Mmm, I loves me some sailors in their cracker jacks (is that what they call it? must ask the hubs). Ooh I saw a hot cop today at the concert in the park ...tall, dark hair, a face like a young Ray Liotta and some nice guns....and no, not the one in his holser. His ass was rather small, but I'll take it so long as the rest of him, um, makes up for it. OH HUSH! I know I'm married, don't gimme that 'tude. Hell, I'm married, not DEAD. A girl can look, can take in all the details and store him away to be taken out for use in a dirty movie reel in my head. Right? Well, if you disagree then you're either a prude or sorely misinformed.

Wow...am I meandering, or WHAT?!?!?!?! It could be as a result of the pomegranate martini I just slurped down. Or it could be that I'm a total spaz AND a bit A.D.D. So there you have it.

Umm, ok well I'm getting a bit horny with all this Gerard Butler/Ray Liotta talk so I'm going to go jump on my unsuspecting husband while y'all try to erase the mental image I may have just conjured up by telling you I'm going to go hump my hubby.

I'm rotten, aren't I?

Ah, you love it.

Celebrity Death Match Takes on New Meaning

Remember those ridiculous animated shows on MTV? Wasn't it some claymation celebrity death match premise? Sheesh....kinda takes on a whole new meaning in light of the string if celebrity deaths we've seen here lately. David, Ed, Farrah, Michael and Billy. Not OJ, though. That murdering freak is still kicking around, but these five are gone. Ed was old, Farrah had cancer but still - actually wait, David was up there in years too. Still, it's odd. The Universe is so fucking random, isn't it? I can believe perhaps, that some things happen for a reason. But not everything. Random rules. Get used to it.

OK that's all I feel like writing for now. I know, weird, right?

ENOUGH, Already!!!

Jon & kate...Jon & Kate...Jon & Kate...Jon & Kate....Jon & Kate...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I hear those names ONE MORE TIME I'm going to PUKE!!!
Why is America so fascinated with these two? Any moron can squeeze out 8 kids (as evidenced by that useless turd known as "Octomom"). But these two, who I will hereby refer to as JackAss & Satan's Butthole, not only manage to spawn a ridiculous amount of children in only two pregnancies, but now commence to screw the kids up for life by acting like spoiled children in a sandbox and not enough toys to go 'round. JackAss isn't the worst of the two, but his spineless kowtowing to his wife, Satan's Butthole, isn't setting the best example and frankly, is aggravating the piss out of men and women alike all across the country. I can only imagine the items thrown with ferocious force at thousands of televisions each time Jon, uh, I mean JACKASS is immasculated by that witch's sharp tongue and doesn't smack her down in return. I'm sure, were that to happen, cheers would be heard from households all across America.
Don't EVEN get me started on Satan's Butthole...holy moly, that woman needs to be beaten with a dead fish and then have her head shaved and dipped in raw sewage. What is with that haircut anyway? Perhaps having a family as large as that would drive many of us to distraction, but her OCD is out of control. I'd be willing to bet if you tried to shove a titanium rod up her arse, you would walk away with a bent-as-hell rod and her looking around wondering what that vague feeling in her backside was.
What really irks me now though is this: when the show started it was about the kids, about the family dynamic. Now it's a big load of shit. Celebrity perks, Kate spending most of her days at spas and on vacation. W...T....F????? Jon getting a custom built bike by --gasp!-- other celebrities!!! It's simply ridiculous, the whole shebang.

OK, I'll admit - we only see what the producers choose to show us. We have no idea what goes on when the cameras aren't rolling or what ends up on the cutting room floor. Still, these two boobs are everywhere and it's bugging the shit out of me. They've ruined their marriage, are on the way to sending all 8 of their kids into a lifetime of therapy and by having their names and pictures splashed across every magazine and publication in the country, are pissing us off!!!

How about a show about me and my family? Keep your perks, keep your celebrity status and see how the rest of us REALLY live. We're a helluva lot more entertaining, I'll tell ya that.

Interviews, animal meat and me

Crazy title? I'm feeling bit crazy day, as I do nearly every day so it makes perfect sense. Or doesn't, which means it does. Huh? Yes, I should shut up now before I forget what I was talking about and to who (or is it "whom"?).

ANYWAY, I had an interview today that went rather well. I hit it off with the hiring manager quite nicely and while I think working for her would be pretty cool, I'm not so thrilled with the environment. The work itself, initially sounds like it might be rather monotonous and boring though I believe it would change. Certainly, if nothing else, I would have the chance to learn a whole new skillset but again - the environment is not my ideal. A giant warehouse filled with machinery and large pieces of stuff ( I can't talk about what they do in specifics - I'd like to hold on to my security clearance, thank you very much) with no AC in the summer, a hardhat, safety glasses and steel-toed boots required...ugh. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not such a vain, stuffy girly-girl that I shun the very notion of such accessories. Umm, well OK maybe I do. Let's be honest here. I have a closet chock full of skirts, dresses and frilly tops I've been dying to wear but haven't had the job to wear them to. Now this job comes along - my first interview with the company (and hopefully not my last) and it's not at all what I expected. (sigh)
I'm torn because as I said, the woman I would report to seems very cool and would absolutely have my back and help me grow and move up if that's what I wanted (and it is). It wouldn't be fair of me to accept the job if I have any doubts about whether or not I'd be happy there. I can always apply for other jobs and transfer out within 6 months. She'd be stuck without support and have to go through all the crap of finding another support person. I'd feel like a real tool doing that to her - or to anyone, really. I nearly said as much in my thank you letter to her today. I felt that I should have been up front with her about how on the fence I am, but in the end, decided to just say "thanks" and "it was a pleasure meeting you" and leave it at that. It's quite possible she picked up a "this is not what I expected and oh lordie I don't know if I want this kind of job" vibe from me today and has already eliminted me from her list of possibles. She had excellent things to say about me and paid me some terrific compliments. I would even go so far as to say the job would likely be mine if I were to show sincere enthusiasm for the job and told her flat out that I wanted it. I think I kept a good poker face on, though and tried to hide my surprise when she told me I would not be working in an office but there in the warehouse. I didn't want to take myself out of the running right away because I think it's in my best interest to at least think about it. It would require me to step out of my box and my comfort zone and take on something vastly different than what I am used to. It would also require me to invest in some more jeans, a pair of clunky shoes or boots and resign myself to flatter hair. It would be a dirty job, no doubt. Do I let things like difficulty parking at times & having to walk, no AC (VA summers can truly suck eggs, kids. It can be brutal!) and dressing way down everyday deter me from what could be a really interesting job? It comes down to this: I want to get my foot in the door. I cannot expect to find my ideal job with "the Company" because ideally, that would come once my degree was finished. I can't finish my degree until I get back into the company. So, do I settle? Perhaps, a bit. But then again, maybe I don't have to! I may find a job that is fulfilling and fun and suits me quite nicely! It won't be forever though, because my end goal is not an administrative position. It's in Human Resources - whether that be recruiting, benefits or employee relations. Who knows? I have time to figure that out. Right now my dilemma is - should I get the offer, do I take this position or wait it out and hope I get more interviews and therefore, more offers down the road? Oh, fooey. I hate being in this position! *scratches head, narrows eyes, purses lips* What to do, what to do???

Oh yeah, about the animal meat? Yeah....I made a pork shoulder the other night because I bought it (not sure why) and felt I had to cook it. Plus, it was getting old and in danger of going bad (but it hadn't, yet). Gus enjoyed it, Aiden did too, me...eh. I ate a little but boy oh boy did I pay for it the next day! My body was not liking it! Cooked chicken to go with dinner last night and gave the boys some - I couldn't touch it. So, though I was questioning whether or not I could stick to this whole vegetarian thing it seems my body is still trying to clue me in to the fact that it is not grooving on the meat. Fish so far is OK. I know, the flyers and material I get from PETA and other sources tell me fish are gentle, curious creatures and they feel pain too. But you know, it's not the killing of animals and consumption of their flesh that bothers me - it's the cycle of life, I suppose (though we can live without it). It's just the way they're killed and treated beforehand. If you were to offer me venison from a deer you'd killed yourself I may eat it. That deer lived it's life in the wild and did it's own little deer things up until the day you put a bullet in it's head. Hopefully you were a good shot and dropped it before it even knew what hit it. Literally. That I can deal with. Perdue, Tyson and whatever big names in beef and pork - y'all can kiss my big white veggie-lovin' arse. Now, now don't go gettin' all offended like - if you're a meat eater I'm not gonna look at you cross-eyed for eating a Tyson chicken pattie. That's your business. I've told you that. We're cool. I'm worried about me right now.

Speaking of moi, I suppose I should address the last category - me. Oh I'm just at that point again - hating myself for the way I look and feel. Well, no that's not completely accurate. I'm mostly OK with how I look. I'd like a little less belly fat and slimmer arms, but that's just so that certain pieces of clothing fit me better. It's mostly the way I feel and the direction I'm headed, health-wise. I won't rehash it all because I've done it a million times already and it's getting old -fast. I'm just looking for that certain something, that one thing that has sent thousands of other people from the couch and the bag of Oreos to the gym and the salad bar. Is it rock bottom? maybe. But I don't want to hit rock bottom! That can be SOOO hard to come back from! I need to find that one thing that motivates me, scares me, gets me going...I know I should do it for Aiden, for ME, for this or that reason. I guess it's not a magic solution - it's not going to come to me all of a sudden. I've been riding this roller coaster for over a decade now and I guess I just want to know when the hell I'm going to be able to get off this ride and stop bitching about it and DO it already? Lose the weight, get in shape. Sounds so simple, and when you strip away all the psychology, excuses and bullshit, it IS ridiculously easy. Eat right. Exercise. Duh. I am my own worst enemy. Isn't it time I made nice-nice with me and got over it already????

Faltering

Well, at first I was gung-ho, head-on, full-tilt, let's go, let's go, ra ra ra. Then I began to question whether or not the decision was one I could live with for an extended period of time, let alone for life. Then, I fell off the wagon. The veg wagon. My decision to become a vegetarian came back to mock me. OK, it's not like I ran out into a field and bit a chunk out of a cow's backside. Truth is, at this point, the thought of eating beef, pork or chicken still kinda skeeves me out. However, last night I got hit (smacked down, more like) by a mad craving for hot dogs. We happen to have turkey hot dogs in the house, along with turkey chili. Oh, and turkey bacon. Soooo....I had two turkey hot dogs, with onion, mustard and um, some turkey chili. This morning? Turkey bacon. I suppose I'm not the first person to "slip". Making a conscious decision to become a vegetarian to me, is much like going on a "diet". I am changing the way I eat, which is pretty much exactly like changing your diet to lose weight - only that wasn't the goal here. Well I suppose this wasn't a totally conscious decision. After all, I was following the signals my body was giving me. Meat had started to lose it's appeal to me, so after trying to eat chicken or ground beef a few times and finding I could barely choke it down, I stopped fighting it. But then...this. Perhaps because the hot dogs and bacon weren't in their more "natural" form, I found it easier to forget what I was eating. Still I feel kinda guilty and stupid. I'm not sure why - it's not as if I did this for anyone else. It was my decision and I am the only one I'm accountable to. I suppose I just need to find the right balance and not expect too much of myself right now. Until I learn to cook in ways that satisfy my nutritional needs and my taste buds, I should just take it slow. I'm also reminded of something I read on another blog. The author used the term "flexitarian". I believe she was getting at having a flexible approach to eating and not limiting yourself completely. So, maybe that is how I need to approach this. I can live without meat, and I know there are tasty alternatives out there. For example, the veggie burgers I've had so far (Morningstar) were quite good! Beyond that, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I'm making the effort and that is what counts. One step at a time. No one changes their lifestyle overnight, after all. If they do, their fricken super-powered!!!

A New Day

Greetings! Today is the first day of the rest of my life...well, no shit! I coulda told you that. Isn't every day? However, today is day one of my newest blog. I say "newest" because I've created several and they've all died a slow, lonely death. I have a tendency to create them when I am in need of an outlet for venting frustration, rage or sadness. Well, lately I haven't really felt that way. I'm generally pretty happy with my life. However, I've decided it might just do some good (whether for me or for you, the reader, remains to be seen) to share my good news along with all the bad shit that comes with being a living, breathing human being. So, let me share the latest happenings with you for starters. Cool? All right, let's dive in.

I've begun to realize that lately, the look, feel and taste of meat is no longer as appealing to me as it once was. It could be that I still have not bounced back fully from a violent stomach virus I had recently which has tampered with my appetite. However, I prefer to believe it stems from the fact that eating meat makes me feel (and ultimately, look) like shit. I've read the research, seen the horrifying PETA videos that leave me sobbing - literally sobbing! - over the treatment of those animals. I've also read a book (just in the last two days) entitled "Skinny Bitch" which had some eye-opening facts to share. I won't rehash all of those facts here. Go out and buy your own damn copy! I will say that what they spoke of makes perfect sense. We have all heard the argument from meat-eaters (myself included) that we are "designed" to eat meat. But are we? One of the arguments in Skinny Bitch was that carnivorous animals in the wild are in fact, designed to eat meat because they are physically designed to hunt, catch, kill, eat and digest meat. Claws, fangs and other attributes allow for this. Another thing to point out that we all learn from watching those documentaries about wild animals is they never kill or eat more than they need to survive. When was the last time you saw a show about lions who killed like, 10 zebras at once, grazed on one or two and then said "Shit, Mufasa, I'm stuffed. I can't eat another bite. " and then walked away leaving all those extra carcasses there to rot? That's because you DON'T see that. Now consider this: we as humans do NOT have fangs or claws. We have square, blunt teeth and flimsy, wimpy fingernails (this is another factoid pointed out by those potty mouthed beauties who penned Skinny Bitch). Does that sound like a design for hunting, catching, and killing meat? Also, our digestive systems aren't designed like a wild animals...they break down the meat quickly. Our systems passes the meat far more slowly. So think about it. That juicy veal cutlet you had (from a poor baby cow, ripped from it's mother's teats, to be boxed in a closet then slaughtered cruelly...sorry, but reality sucks, folks) you enjoyed last night at that snooty, posh restaurant is still sitting in your digestive tract. Rotting. Putrefying. Mmmm, appetizin', ain't it? NOT. This aside, the treatment these animals endures on factory farms and slaughterhouses is abhorrent. Would you treat your dog or your cat like that? Course not! Don't argue that "we don't eat dogs or cats in this country". No, we don't. But why not? What makes them exempt from consumption and places them above cows, chickens, pigs and fish? Hrm? No answer to that? What? They don't feel fear? Or pain? Man, I would love to turn your ass into a cow or pig and see how you feel when they ship your ass off to a slaughterhouse and come at you with a hook or a club or a prod. Pfft! Let's not even get me started on the WASTE! We, as Americans, are wasteful, greedy beings! Our portions are enormous and therefore the demand for more meat means more animals are being slaughtered for our consumption and ultimately dying all because of our wasteful ways. Bogus.

OK, so I'm stepping off my soap box for a moment, kids. Fear not. I didn't come here to preach. But then if I want to, I will. After all, no one is holding a gun to your head and making you read my blog. Nor is anyone forcing you to do what I do. It's my blog, and I'll bitch if I want to! LOL Seriously though, this has all given me some serious "food for thought" and is inspiring me to make changes for the better. Can I help it if I want to share the wisdom? As I begin on this journey and strut, stumble and skip down this path I intend to share my experiences with you, right here. So tune in again, if you dare.

I dare you.